Immage Of A Gundam Pilot
by Tenchi Bery
Summary: The Gundam Boys Review Their Lives
1. 01: Heero Yuy

IMAGE OF A GUNDAM PILOT: 01 HEERO YUY  
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There are few things in my life I regret. There are also very few things that I cherish. My name is Heero Yuy, no, that's not my name. My name is Odin Lowe Jr. I don't rember the last time I was called that. My father abandoned me when I was three. The problem: he never left. My father is the man who made me who I am. My mother was a sickly woman who eventually died when I was three. That's why my father no longer wanted me. My father now calls him self by the pseudonym Dr. J. He trained me to be a teenaged killing machine. I was actually raised by the five doctors. They all had theory on who I should be, but, WHAT I should be was certain, I was to be the ultimate weapon of war.  
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I was born on a day that no one remembers. I believe that once, I was like other children, a happy home, a mother, a father, an identity. Now all I am is a number. A project, something to be studied and categorized. I am known to few as a tool, to the rest I'm a merciless killing machine with no heart. I wonder about that some times. Do I actually have a heart? Of course I do it circulates the blood to the rest of my body. What I mean is do I have an emotional heart. I was taught long ago that emotion will only get you killed in war, but I was also taught to act on my emotions at all times. How can they tell me to act on something I'm told not to have?  
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I knew little about my mother, all I know is she died when I was three. The only reason this knowledge belongs to me is because once during the beginning of my training I used to cry out for my mother. Dr. J told me that I had no parents and that I am just their tool and to shut up and get back to work. But later, when J wasn't around, one of the others came in and told me that the other four came to an agreement that I should be told about my parents, so I could understand that concept. That was when I was told my mother had died and J was my father. I learned through hacking that Heero Yuy was not my name. It belonged to a great man, a great man who died because he believed in peace. It should have never been my name, not a name for a killer.  
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I had nothing of this thing called a childhood. I was simply born, I was trained, and then I fought. There is only one more step in this cycle and it is death. Birth, training, fighting, death. That's all I was ever taught about the ways of life. My training was so confusing. Each doctor tried to teach me something different. One said being my self was the only way, but who was I? One said I should be a fighter and learn about mobile Suites then train for my Gundam, but then what is the training to be a Gundam pilot? One suggested I fight on my knowledge and honor, but who knows exactly what honor is? One proposed that I learn the ways of a tough life and work for revenge, but what life is harsher than one with no self? One said I was to be nothing but a tool, a living Mobile Doll, but does a tool have a soul? I was created through all of these things. But over all the final vote, won. I was nothing more than a mobile doll with a heart. When I was I aloud to live?  
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GUNDAM. The word strikes fear into the hearts of OZ. But what IS a Gundam pilot? I've thought about that over my years, and the answer is simple: A being striped of his soul and taught to fight for a light, for a hope, that never existed. This being will die for his hope, for his dreams for the future, but his life will have been lost in vain, for his hopes were just ideas planted into his head by another, another who put them there to get them to act the way the other wanted them to. I once heard a saying from Duo, 'Due to recant power shortages the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.' Was it ever really on?  
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Many times I sit and wonder what my purpose is life is. I know I was born to be a tool of war. I was to be this thing that would set us all free. But what then? Once my purpose is fulfilled then where do I go? What do I do? Killing is all I know. The life of a solider is all I'm suited for. So when this war ends, do I? I'm almost frightened by the idea of the end of this war. What will those scientists do with me? If you think about it, I'm the only one that never had a life to leave, never had one to return to.  
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My life has revolved around this war like it was the Earth and I was the moon. All the information I was ever taught was given to me to aide my path. I was taught not to have emotion. But as I live and interact with these people, these boys forced into manhood by a war they are too young to fight, these people I call my friends, I'm slowly realizing that they were wrong. One DOES need emotion to survive. With help from people like Quatre and Duo; hell even Wufei and Trowa, I'm learning what life is really about. I hope that one day I could be as happy and out going as someone like Duo or Quatre. One day I will put Heero Yuy to rest. I will finally let the perfect solider die, all I want to know is, if he dies, will that kill Odin Lowe Jr. too?  
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The computer beeped as Heero saved the entry into his personal files.  
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"Heero?"  
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"Yea Duo?" He asked turning to his lover.  
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"Dinners ready, let's go eat"  
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"Alright."  
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With that Heero Yuy and Duo Maxwell joined hands and went out to join the rest of the pilots for dinner.  
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also, I'm on a muse hunt. the only one I have only gets around a computer once a month and is more of a 'I listen while you read' kind of guy so I need a muse. and If you don't know what that is, form what I understand, they reread the fics, and fixes stuff like spelling and grammer and adds the all EVIL HTML coding. (the only html I know is the one to make a paragrath and that's annoying) So if you want the job, E-mail me at the above! PLEASE!  
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E-mail : 


	2. 02: Duo Maxwell

Title: Image Of A Gundam Pilot :02 Duo Maxwell  
  
Author: Tenchi Bery  
  
Warnings: OOC, which is just a safety warning, Angst  
  
Notes: Ok I don't except this to fly as well as 01 did. My sequels suck, thus the reason the "…And when did this happed" is STILL not finished…. Right next to "What's in a name part 2" Ok this will probably be one of the last fics I post before my muses start crawling all over my work. Yes, Te now has gotten herself some muses (aka beta readers) and one of them is REAAAALY good at HTML so look forward to coolly stuff in my work! Ok so Read it! Oh and I dedicate this to one of my new muses, Princessrei, who is so in love with Duo she named her dog after him. Gotta love someone who does that….*cuddles her Black cat Wufei*  
  
Disclamers: I don't own them, though I wish I did, though Princessrei wishes she did, nope we don't own them. Sorrrrrrrryyyyyyyyy. No sue me, me poor high school kid! Ok Read fic.  
  
  
  
IMAGE OF A GUNDAM PILOT: 02 DUO MAXWELL  
  
  
  
Duo Maxwell. What a name. Choose it myself ya know. I had a friend named Solo and when he died I became Duo. But that just shows just how pathetic of a human being I am. Well, I feel pathetic. I mean there MUST be something wrong when your own parents just throw you away. I don't even remember my parents. Ok let's start at the beginning. My earliest memories are of the streets of L2, so I always figured that I must have been born SOMEWHERE on that colony. It was the Doc. That went and did some sort of test on my blood or something. He was able to figure out that I was 14 (at the time) and that I was born in late winter, Like in December or January. Knowledge like that was nice but who really gave a damn? Wasn't like it mattered.  
  
I was born, I survived, I became a Gundam pilot, I fought, and I will die. Yup that's my life. It hurts so much to hold this happy mask up. I bounce I cheer I do the Hokey Pokey, when all I really want to do is go get one of Heero's guns climb up in some attic or something, and blow my brains out. I call my self Shinigami. The god of death. I always figured that I was death. I mean all the people I loved died when I was near them. That and I figured that all those asses who thought a little kid equaled a free fuck had succeeded in making my life such a hell that the REAL hell couldn't be any worse. My childhood, it can be summed up in two words; rape and seduction. Cash was earned though sex and no cash meant rape. That was my life. I'm such a dirty person. But that little time I spent at the Maxwell Church. That I think made it so I could live a little more. They truly did save me.  
  
In this world full of war when brothers and sisters turn on one another it leaves no place for healing. So many children have lost their innocence because of this war. When will it end? No one should have to live my life, yet you keep hearing more and more of kids with a past JUST like mine, maybe not exactly the same, but damn close. This war has thrown the world in every direction. Some times I wonder what the hell I'm doing. Then I remember that I came to change that universe. To make it so the kids on L2 aren't all forced to labeled sluts just because they were dumped. That's not something any child should have to deal with.  
  
Gundam. What a word. I still get the chills if one of the guys says it. I got my Gundam when I "Stole" it to change the world. The doc's pretty cool. He helps me when the war becomes too hard to handle, illegal antidepressants, yum! I call um my happy pills. I always wondered what would happen if someone like Heero took one. I mean this stuff makes you bounce and be all happy, a SERIOUS mind altering drug. I could just see Heero bouncing around asking if we could go out for ice cream. That would be great. One of the few joys we get in this war.  
  
I wanted to change the world so I became a Gundam Pilot. I thought it was just another job, but I'm finding it is so much more. Once you're in you can't leave. A Gundam Pilot to me is someone who has decided to change their own lives and the lives of those around them. It's a hard long road, but personally I think it's worth it. The feeling you get when you see the joy on someone's face after you just saved them is worth it all. That joy is worth eternal damnation. And I don't care. I don't care what the consequences are I just want to make this a better place to live. I don't want there to be another Duo Maxwell.  
  
  
  
I wonder seriously. Why am I here? Was I meant to be a pilot, to change the world? I was born in an unknown place at an unknown time on an unknown date. I am the true unknown. The "Missing Link" so to say. I wonder what I'll do after the war ends. Before I became a pilot I was a slut. I don't wanna go back to that. Might be a gun for hire. I don't know. I hope that the future holds something good for me.  
  
Sex, war, death, Duo Maxwell. I promise the world that one day I will be something better. I'll do it. For Solo, For Sister Helen, For Father Maxwell, For the world, For my self. In a world full of death and destruction there is light, there is hope. Go into the light is all I have to say. Save yourselves. I've been lucky all this time but I might not be lucky in the future. And if I leave I hope that I will have made a difference. My life has been one big Hellhole. But someone has dropped in a rope, I've grabbed it and I going toward the goodness the light holds for me.  
  
  
  
Log off person files: 02 Duo Maxwell  
  
"Duo?" "Yea Heero?" "What have you been doing? It's 3 in the morning." "Putting something to rest." "Whatever. Come on love, it's time for bed." Duo went and cuddled up with Heero and as he fell asleep one thought drifted into his mind. I 'Maybe the future does have something good for me…'/I  
  
  
  
  
  
Donno, was that as good as IOAGP:01 Heero Yuy? I tried to make it as good but Duo was kinda hard to do. Don know why. I mean I know Duo like that back of my hand. I just have a feeling that it isn't as good. Whatever. Your opinion not mine :/  
  
R&R PLEASE!! HimemyiaAnshii28@ohtoriacademy.com 


	3. 03:Trowa Barton

IMMAGE OF A GUNDAM PILOT: 03 TROWA BARTON  
  
For now, my name is Trowa Barton. Really, I have no name. Nanashi they called me. I am no one. I never have been and never will be. A shell of a human. I don't know how I've gotten this far. Living day to day, excepting that the universe and everyone in it hates me. A non existent soul and a broken body is all I have to give. I don't see why people even stop to notice me.  
  
I am Nanashi. I've traveled around for as long as I can remember. I have no clue where, or when I was born. As far as I'm concerned I simply exist. Though I don't want to. My existence has been horrible and painful. I just want it all to end. Who can save me from myself? I can't. I sit alone sometimes and wonder why this as all happened. Why I have lived and others died? How did a dirty person like me make it into now?  
  
My childhood was terrible. A never-ending memory of pain. My body still bears the painful scars; though it was my mind that suffered the most. Five years old. I was five years old when I was first introduced to sex. I had been eating my dinner alone like I normally did, when he came up to me. I've never been the same. My innocence was shattered on that bunk in the cold tent on that night. Even now I can still remember the mind numbing pain he brought upon my body. And it didn't stop there. I grew up in a missionary group. An all MALE missionary group. Sexual tension is high with men like that and they have a tendency to take it out on each other. Sex is power and the more power you had the better. Survival of the fittest, the weak used as the powerful's toys. I had lived in that group for as long as I could remember with men eight times my age. I was told once that I had to be taught to keep in my place and that this was the only way. It never ended. Constantly, every night, SOMEONE forced me to their bed. After a while I stopped screaming. It wasn't worth it. No one would save me. But someone did. Ralph. My saving grace. He taught me to live. I loved him with all my soul and I still do. Why did he have to die? Was I never meant to be happy? Never meant to live?  
  
Gundam. It was one of my few joys in life. I've always like doing things with my hands. I helped build Heavyarms. Trowa, the original one, hated me. He was a big shot in the second Missionary Group I went to work with. You'd think after my experiences with the first one I'd never go back. Unfortunately my darling Ralph had taught me that not everyone was like that. I thought that maybe, just maybe this would be different. It wasn't. Just the same thing. My renewed hope being crushed. Ralph had given me a voice, one I quickly had to start using to scream for my life. These were worse, a few of them tried to kill me. I wish they had. Trowa was the worst. The others did it because they could, he did it because he hated me. He thought I was trying to take his place. At the time I wasn't. I never in a thousand years thought I would be going by his name. I watched him die. The pure joy that sang in my body as his lifeless corpse hit the cold steel was one of the greatest feelings in my life. I don't think I've ever been happier. Then the suit I had come to love was placed in my hands. I was free. I was going to have a life to live. One without the group to hold me down. I was scared though. Scared that I was going to fail. Scared that the world outside my Merc groups was so much worse. For once, to my joy, I was wrong.  
  
I still sit back and wonder why. Why was I chosen for this life? Though others told me that it was of no fault of mine, I still feel that all the pain inflicted on me had been done rightly so. I still feel like I deserved it for not being normal, for not knowing who I was. Though now with the kind guiding hands of these people I can honestly call friends, I am coming out of my shell, breaking down these wall of steel wrapped so tightly around myself. I'm still waiting for it though. This is all too good to be true. I still honestly feel that it will all come crashing down and I will be left with nothing. Please let my luck be turning. Please let me be wrong.  
  
Hope. I finally have hope. I never had that. The scars still remain as a constant reminder but I'm finding I do have a soul. It's small and scared but it's coming out. One day I'll be able to hug Cathy without thinking about it and becoming terrified. I'll be the little brother she needs. All she'll be the big sister I can always rely on. These four boys, no men, they and Cathy are the only family I have. I love them all. I never want to lose them. Please let me be wrong. Please let there be hope for me. I don't want to spend the rest of my life hiding. I want to smile.  
  
03: Trowa Barton, logging off personal logs.  
  
"Trowa?" Trowa turned around to see a petit blonde standing in the door way. "Yes Quatre?" "Trowa, It's time for bed. You know I can't sleep with out you." Trowa smiled softly to himself, getting up and walking to the bedroom he shared with his lover. Twining his had with Quatre's he thought 'One day, one day I'll smile and then I'll be free.'  
  
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that sucked. I know it did. It's been forever since I've written anything and I choose to write the next part of my only really good on going series at one in the morning. Chalk it up for me! I wanted Trowa's to be as depressing as possible, because his past is so sad, but I was rather blunt and I don't like that. I might revise it I might not. Depends on the reviews. The reason I don't do on going series is because I can never make the next parts stand up to the originals. It's really going downhill I think. But that's my opinion. It's really up to you.  
  
R&R Longlive13x6x5@aol.com 


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